CRIT : Tirfo Thuin Synopsis by Andrew Butterworth

[AB]

Hello everyone. I've done a quick breakdown of the story (as it might appear on the back of my book). I am about to print a final copy and go and get it sorted for sending out and would love a bit of last minute advice on this. How does it read? Any spelling mistakes, that kind of thing. Much appreciated, AB

[Fiona Southwell]

Looks good Andrew, but there's one bit I'm not sure about.

'In her fight she encounters King Oddvard, the malicious King of the Sorcerers, is held captive within the heart of the the elm trees be Fayeryes and has a brush with the walking dead.'

I'm not really up on semi-colon useage, but in my mind it reads better like this:

'In her fight she encounters King Oddvard, the malicious King of the Sorcerers; is held captive within the heart of the the elm trees be Fayeryes; and has a brush with the walking dead.'

Or something. Feel free to ignore ^_^

[AB]

Ta very much. I just spotted that I said '...of the elm trees be Fayeryes...' instead of '... by Fayeryes...'. I knew I'd seen that somewhere but couldn't remember where. Cheers for your help, AB

[Red]

Hullo. Just a quick point on the sentence; "Niamh has no idea of the dangers that lay ahead." You've switched between present and past tense... I think it should be "Niamh has no idea of the dangers that lie ahead."

Also I'm not sure about; 'In her fight she encounters King Oddvard, the malicious King of the Sorcerers, is held captive within the heart of the the elm trees be Fayeryes and has a brush with the walking dead." It kinda reads like a detailed list, maybe it could do to be a bit more vague... if it were me I'd probably just say something in the vein of "she meets many strange beings, and faces many trials," but maybe that's just me. Otherwise though it's great. Good luck with it man,

Red

[AB]

Thanks ever so much everyone - it's much appreciated. I've had a bit of a re-write and would love to know if this is better now. Give me a shout if anything still reads a little strange. Cheers again, AB.

[Red]

*thumbs up*

[AB]

Ta. Just printed everything out - a whopping 300 pages of A4, double spaced. Am heading over to the Uni print shop now to get it bound and then it's in the hands of the gods. I'll keep you posted. I'm going to stick some extracts up here as well for people if they're interested. Cheers again, Andy