CANDY LOVE (registration #1357537)
by
Austin Girl
CHAPTER ONE
Granny’s Clay Pigeons
I hadn’t even picked up the double-barreled shotgun when my quirky granny reloaded clay disks in the skeet machine.
“Pull!” Granny Lucky hollered.
I raised an eyebrow and turned to her. My heavily-teased Crayon-yellow beehive hair stood perfectly still in the wind. The echo of a lone coyote billowed beyond the hill.
“Granny, I’m supposed to yell pull,” I said in my thick country twang. “That’s what the manual…
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Added by Austin Girl on June 19, 2009 at 5:00pm —
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CANDY LOVE
Registration Number : 1357537
CANDY LOVE
by
Austin Girl
PROLOGUE
Rookie in a Red Raincoat
You can tell a true cowboy by the type of horse that he rides.
- Cowboy Proverb
1973. THE YEAR OF DISCO: Afro wigs, platform heels and strobe lights. I had to be different. I was still in the ‘60s with my beehive hair, cowboy boots and Wolsey tights. At twenty-eight, I was the first female rookie agent for the FBI in D.C. and let me tell you: when you’re a sassy cowgirl from West Texas who h…
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Added by Austin Girl on June 17, 2009 at 3:00pm —
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Tonight at Trump International Hotel & Tower Casino in Las Vegas, professional boxing ring announcer and former child-star Michael Buffer took a lady-like swing at super heavy-weight boxer Fat Bastard. Fat Bastard absorbed the punch by blocking the blow with his opponent, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog’s face.
The incident happened when the referee, Jackie Justice, called the two fighters to the center of the ring. Michael Buffer started to chime in with his familiar phrase, “Let’s Get Ready…
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Added by Austin Girl on April 30, 2008 at 3:00pm —
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By Austin Girl of the Dirty Dog Daily
Howard Dean, chairman of the Democratic National Committee, hired Republican Political Strategist Karl Rove’s favorite political dirty trickster specialist, part-time refrigerator repair dog and (Nixon-hold-over) Buddy “Fat Bastard” the Beagle to put on a ‘Hillary for President’ tee-shirt and go piss on John McCain’s leg during a national televised McCain speech.
But, the drunken, disoriented Fat Bastard screwed up his assignment while playing footsies wit…
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Added by Austin Girl on April 24, 2008 at 6:05am —
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Dirty Dog Daily has obtained an exclusive sex video tape featuring Paris Hilton’s teacup Chihuahua Tinkerbell and
Austin Girl’s very own low-class and overweight refrigerator-repair dog Buddy “Fat Bastard” the Beagle.
The overly-sex…
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Added by Austin Girl on April 21, 2008 at 11:46pm —
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DIRTY DOG DAILY ©
Fat Bastard’s Gas Heats 15,000 Homes
By Austin Girl
Chevron Corporation has discovered the source for the declining ozone layer, debunking popular myth that manufacturers and automobiles have played a vital role in global…
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Added by Austin Girl on April 18, 2008 at 4:13am —
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Added by Austin Girl on April 12, 2008 at 10:43pm —
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DIRTY DOG DAILY
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Buddy “Fat Bastard” the Beagle Arrested for Humping Victoria’s Secret Pink and White Polka Dot Dog
By CEE CEE WRITER
Five-year-old Buddy the Beagle a.k.a. “Fat Bastard” was arrested around lunch time at the new Hill Country Gallery Bee Cave, Texas Victoria’s Secret store for humping their big ass pink and white polka dot dog.
Store officials described the scene as utter chaos. “Teenage girls were laughing and calling our polka dot dog a slut and scores…
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Added by Austin Girl on April 6, 2008 at 6:30am —
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AUSTIN – April 4, 2008 -- Two Tail and Eight Paw Productions, Inc. and Austin Girl Blog today announced Austin Girl’s very own Buddy the Beagle a.k.a. “Fat Bastard” was fired for woofing down an Ultimate Deep Dish pizza on the job. “Hey, it was the fourteen-inch -- all meat,” barked Buddy.
The seventy-three-pound Beagle suggested discrimination played a vital role in his firing. “Domino’s executives own Labradors,” cried Buddy.…
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Added by Austin Girl on April 5, 2008 at 1:44am —
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AUSTIN – April 3, 2008 -- Two Tail and Eight Paw Productions, Inc. announced today that Austin Girl’s very own Buddy the Beagle a.k.a. “Fat Bastard” listed his profile on DatingDoggies.com. In an effort to receive as many possible hottie dogs as possible, Buddy “Fat Bastard” knowingly lied about his name, weight, age and breed.
On his Web site’s profile, Buddy is listed as “George” the stinkin’ sexy Boston Terrier whose interests include sniffing Jack Russell Terrier tails, lounging poolside wi…
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Added by Austin Girl on April 5, 2008 at 1:41am —
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Chevron Corporation has discovered the source for the declining ozone layer, debunking popular myth that manufacturers and automobiles have played a vital role in global… Continue
